Archive for the ‘1985’ Category

manwithredshoeLeave it to Benn Farrell, the largest tool in the shed, to find a Tom Hanks movie that is almost as bad as Joe Versus the Volcano and then make me watch it. To be honest I have wanted to see this movie for years and by giving this to me as a challenge I was finally able to watch it.  Now that I have seen it I wish I hadn’t.  I can’t remember the last time I watched a comedy and had one chuckle and that’s it, certainly not any other film that Hanks is in.  I chuckled a couple of times in both Volcano and Dragnet.  This is a bad, bad, very bad, film.

Ross, played by Charles Durning (To Be or Not to Be,) is the CIA director and Cooper, played by Dabney Coleman (Dragnet,) who does something in the CIA, wants Ross’s job.  Cooper sets up Ross by framing one of his agents so Ross has 48 hours to exonerate himself and frame Cooper at the same time.  So Ross has one of his agents to randomly pick someone at the airport and pretend to meet this person in order to have Cooper’s agents think that he is the secret witness to save Ross at the hearing.  Ross’s agents picks Richard, played by Tom Hanks (Bridge of Spies,) who happens to be arriving at the airport wearing one red shoe, because his friends Morris, played by Jim Belushi (Red Heat,) and his wife Paula, played by Carrie Fisher (Star Wars: The Force Awakens.)  They are all musicians who play for the Washington DC symphony.  Cooper wanting to know what Richard has to save Ross sends his team of agents including the lovely Maddy, played by Lori Singer (Footloose – 1984,) to investigate, question, and eliminate Richard.  However things get complicated when we discover Paula is trying to cheat on Morris with Richard, Cooper’s agents and Ross’s agents get in each other’s wary, and despite barely meeting him, Maddy begins to fall in love with Richard.

The best scene in the movie is when the 29 year old hot Carrie Fisher is rolling around in a bed with Tom Hanks in nothing more than her very 80’s underwear.  She fills out the bra and panties quite well.  The rolling around on the bed is about 20 seconds long and its glorious but it doesn’t make for the 1 hour 31 minutes and 30 seconds of boredom.


The one scene where I chuckled was at the beginning of act 3 when Richard, Paula, and Morris are performing for the symphony when Richard sees Maddy in the audience and starts to botch his solo performance which causes Paula to notice Richard noticing Maddy and she stops playing her flute which causes Morris to notice Paula getting jealous of Richard looking at Maddy which cause him to do a loud drum solo which aggravates the conductor so much, played by David Ogden Stiers (Better Off Dead,)to lose after the performance and storm off. That whole scene drew a couple of chuckles and maybe a smile, but that’s it, for the entire movie.

To start off on the things I don’t like, I will start with Tom Hanks. I will assume since I have never seen this in any of the over 20+ movies I have watched of his that the choice of having Hanks play Richard as this stiff, unfunny, straight man, was the decision of the director.  Hanks had already filmed both Bachelor Party and Splash where we saw Hanks be hilarious and good.  In this film he is one step away from being an emotionless actor and as stiff as a statue.  It’s like his entire body was pumped with Botox and everything was still stiff.  It is just against every other performance that I have seen of Hanks that it can’t be because of his choice.  Imagine a comedy with Robin Williams where the director tells Robin to be the straight man and just follow script, no improvisation.  That was this for Hanks.

I also believe this because every other actor in this film was just as stiff.  Ok, that’s not true, both Belushi and Fisher actually seemed like living beings in this film.  But everyone else, it seemed, were told to take their roles of super spies seriously.  My guess is that the director and writer thought the scenes of near missies would be the humor of the film. But because the actors were so stiff in their performance, the physical “comedy,” was so slow that it didn’t work.  It’s as if this movie was a spoof of the spy films and they went over too over the top so it didn’t work.  Except this wasn’t a spoof of a spy film but a comedic spy film.  Nothing worked at all.

I really can’t think of anything else to say. The only redeeming thing about this film is the near nakedness of Princess Leah.  I mean sure Lori Singer is hot as well but nowhere near good enough to make up for this bore-a-thon.  Still not as bad as Joe Versus the Volcano, but this is a close second to the worst Tom Hanks movie ever.  Even Tom Hanks said of this film, “Not a very good movie. It doesn’t have any real, clear focus to it. It isn’t about anything particularly that you can honestly understand. It made no money at all.”  Take his advice and stay away, if it every shows up, which it won’t, unless one of your closest friends is a tool and makes you watch it.  Then find a way to smite him or her.



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FletchThis movie is an old Chevy Chase film which I love, so I decided to review it. Even though, I am sure most of people have seen it. He has made so many bad career decisions lately–referring to most of his films in the 1990’s and his very short lived late night talk show, I believe now his movies are in the direct to video category. So, I decided to bring back an oldie but a goodie from the 1980’s, “Fletch.”

Chevy Chase plays Irwin R. “Fletch” Fletcher who is a newspaper columnist for the LA Times, doing undercover work on drug trafficking along the beaches of LA–that’s Los Angeles for those who don’t know. While working on his story, he is approached by a rich man named Alan Stanwyk, played by Tim Matheson (Animal House), who takes Fletch back to his house. While there, Stanwyk asks Fletch to murder him, because he is dying of bone cancer.

Fletch eventually agrees to do this, then goes to his office and investigates Stanwyk. While at work, he is yelled at by his editor to work on the drug story. From here, Fletch goes on working both stories to find out who is responsible for the drug trafficking, and to find out the real reason why Stanwyk wants him dead.

I liked all aspects of this movie. Even though the story is a little too coincidental–you will see what I mean, I thought it was believable enough not to distract from the acting.

This is probably Chevy’s best work, with maybe “National Lampoons Vacation and Christmas Vacation” as the exception–movies like “Caddyshack,” “Three Amigos,” and “Spies Like Us” are too much of an ensemble, even though he is great in those.

The script for “Fletch” really lets Chase do what he does best ,which is deliver one liners with a quick wit, and when necessary, use his physical humor to enhance the moment. The constant use of different names, famous names, while he is undercover is great–although John Cocktolstin is my favorite of his aliases.

I feel this movie is great, and if you have not already seen it, then you should. There are lots of well known people in the film, George Wendt (TV’s Cheers), Geena Davis (The Accidental Tourist) before she was popular, and Joe Don Baker (Cape Fear) to name a few. The movie was directed by Michael Ritchie who has done other movies, such as the sequel “Fletch Lives,” “Bad News Bears,” “The Golden Child” and another one of my favorite films “Diggstown.” Unfortunately, he died in 2001.

Go rent this movie, or if you see it available, buy it. It’s a classic.

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creatureHow good can a movie be when the most recognizable actor in the movie is the guy who played Ferris Bueller’s dad in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? This movie is such a horrible rip off of Alien that this movie should have been named, “The Sh*tty version of Alien.”

Two competing Space Corporations, one from West Germany, and one from the USA, send geological teams to Titan, one of the moons of Saturn, to investigate the findings of a previous geological team that was on the moon yet disappeared. Once there the American group discovers that the West German team was killed by some Alien creatures that kill their victims and then take their bodies over. So as the team of scientists is taken out one by one, it is up to the remaining scientists to kill the Alien and then escape the moon. Hmmm, does this at all sound familiar?

As I was wasting the 90 minutes of my life that it took to watch this horrible display of acting, directing, writing, anything associated with the performing arts, I was thinking of a Simpson’s TV episode where Principle Skinner is fired. He is at the Kwiki Mart and Skinner tells Bart how he is going to write this great movie script about dinosaurs that are brought back to life through DNA, and Apu rips into Skinner saying, “Oh you have got to be kidding sir. First you thing of an Idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn’t you think this through?…it was on the best seller list for 18 months, every magazine cover had it…most popular movies of all time sir, What were you thinking?” Apu says it best.

The movie is so bad that they had to change the name of it from Creature to Titan Find. So they take a bad title and make it worse. I wonder what it would be like to change the name of other bad movies and make it worse. Let’s see, Into the Blue now is Shiny cold water. House of Wax now becomes The Paris Hilton Sex video. Nope, this doesn’t make the movie more entertaining.

The only redeeming quality is that there is a brief moment of some nudity of a hot chick that looked more like a porn star than an actress. I am sitting here trying to come up with the perfect phrase that would best explain this movie, yet I don’t think I want to waste anymore time on this film. Again I say how good can a movie be when the only recognizable actor is the dad from Ferris Bueller?

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